How we found out we were expecting our beautiful Rainbow Baby!
"A rainbow typically follows a storm, giving us hope of what's to come."
As I sit down to reflect on the past 15 weeks of carrying you, I have such a sudden rush of emotions and love. To be able to sit here and write the words, 'I'm pregnant' have so much emotion attached to them because I have hoped and dreamed for you for so long.
Since our miscarriage in November last year it was never something I thought about. When pregnant with Alina I never stressed during those first '12 weeks' incase god forbid, anything happened. So, when those two little pink lines appeared in November it was the furthest thing from my mind. Our second baby was on it's way and I immediately started imagining what life would be like and how it was about to change. Then, just like that our baby disappeared and for some time so did a part of me.
It took time before I was mentally prepared to try again and when that time came I felt differently towards it. I was nervous and a little frightened, some of the innocence of what is meant to be a special and exciting time was taken away when I lost my second pregnancy.
The day I found out you were here is a moment I'll never forget! Your sister woke up and pulled up my top and kissed my stomach and said 'baby tummy'. I remember thinking to myself, where did that come from?
We'd been trying for months but nothing had been happening and I just thought to myself in that moment, well, I could be! So off to the bathroom I went with your sister and peed on yet another pregnancy test. I faced it down and went downstairs to make breakfast for your hungry sister who couldn't wait for her butter toast! I'd gone through half the day before I remembered about the test in the bathroom...
I remember bolting upstairs and snatching up the test but then pausing for a moment before looking at it. I sensed that I'd see two lines but I also wasn't ready to feel the disappointment yet if I didn't.
A deep breath, I faced it toward me and the tears just began streaming. Tears of absolute JOY! There were two lines looking up at me. You were finally here, our rainbow baby. How did your sister know!!!
I ran to your daddy and I think he thought something was wrong with your sister but then I threw the test at him and he jumped up and we literally danced around the room together!
Not for a second did it cross my mind that anything could go wrong until a few days later. I started to feel cautious and like perhaps I shouldn't get too attached yet. I loved you so much already. And then week by week I got sicker, which to me meant you were getting stronger. Each day when I went to the bathroom and there wasn't any blood I felt such a relief wash over me.
When we had your first scan and saw your heart beat for the first time I fell absolutely head over heels in love with you. I believed in us and I knew we were going to make it together. My strong little baby.
Two weeks ago we found out you were a boy and I just couldn't believe it! My son!
15 weeks later and mummy is full of energy again to run after your crazy, beautiful big sister and just bask in the magic that is growing you and getting closer to bringing you into the world.
We have no idea what we'll name you yet, you're the size of an apple this week and my belly has finally popped! Your sister is obsessed with kissing your ultrasound photos and my belly. I have been feeling little flutters for the past two weeks and I look forward to those kicks of yours getting stronger.
Mummy loves you so much.