How I'm feeling about the arrival of our second baby - A letter to my son

As I sit down to write this I am so emotional, I can’t believe we’re here! I can’t believe I get to meet my beautiful baby soon and that it’s been 40 weeks of growing the miracle that is you! My rainbow.

From the start of this pregnancy feeling fear and doubt because I loved you so much already and after miscarrying our previous pregnancy I wanted so badly for everything to be ok, feeling your first little flutters - they completely took my breath away. Seeing your beautiful little face in scans, hearing your heartbeat and finding out you are YOU, my son!

To again feeling that big, all consuming love for someone I hadn’t met yet. And here we are, 2 days away from your due date! The anticipation for your arrival is strong at home and your daddy, big sister and I are all waiting with excitement for the signs you’re ready to come into the world.

I used to wonder what this time in my life would look and feel like, knowing one day we’d have another baby and give your sister a sibling! It’s been one of the hardest and happiest times in my life aside from carrying your sister and bringing her into the world. Motherhood is my purpose, I was made to be a mother and your sister taught me that.

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That’s where mummy starts to get emotional. It’s been so long just your sister and I. When I was pregnant with her I had no idea what motherhood was going to be like. What I’d be like as a mother. And then she was here, she came into our life and it was as if she was always here. She taught me so much about unconditional love, sacrifice and how to be the mother she needed. She’s such a big girl now, she’s absolutely incredible and you are so lucky that she’s your big sister! She loves you like crazy already and I cannot wait for the two of you to have one another. I also feel nervous for what the change to the role of big sister is going to mean for her, she’s had me all to herself for almost three years! She made me a mother and without her I honestly don’t know who I’d be today. And then there’s you, you have already imprinted on my heart and I love you as much as I love her already! I don’t need to wait for you to be here to know that.

It’s such a time of immense growth for me as a woman, I know enormous change is coming and with that comes new sets of challenges. I am so excited but I also know that there will be things I am going to struggle with. So as I inhale all of the love, joy and excitement I exhale all of the self doubt and fear. I trust my body for birth, I know myself as a mother today and I believe that with your arrival you will fill a space in our life that we didn’t even know was missing.

I can’t wait to meet you!

Love Mummy x

Emily TominiComment