The Countdown Begins
Hello third trimester! Wow, I can’t believe I’m here. Have I really been pregnant for almost 7 months? It’s going to sound funny but it has gone by so slowly and so quickly at the same time.
I’ve got a nursery to finish, a pram to put together, a car seat to install! So many questions are circling in my mind right now as it gets closer to meeting her.
What if I can’t manage in labour? I want a natural birth (I don’t mean drug free but I can’t say the word ‘vaginal birth’ it makes me cringe). I want to see how I go without an epidural or any medication but what if I wait too long and it’s too late and it really is as painful as everyone says without the drugs and I feel like I’m going to die? Will my husband be all right seeing me go through this?
In a weird way I’m also excited to experience labour and the pain. I mean, women have been giving birth for years without pain relief surely I could do it? (Those of you who have given birth are probably snickering to yourselves thinking ‘you just wait!’) At the end of the day I’ll meet my daughter so the rest is just the journey of getting there, whatever I decide I know I’ll feel proud of.
The other questions are; What if I can’t breast feed? What if I don’t ‘bond’ with my baby? What if I lose my sense of identity? What about postnatal depression? I’ve felt down before, hormones are a b*tch and throw in sleep deprivation… Welcome to the fear and confusion of the unknown Emily! And then there are the thoughts of laying my eyes on her for the first time, seeing her face, looking into her eyes, her smell, her hands and feet. All of the exciting things to look forward to, her first smile, first laugh, when she starts walking, talking and starting her first day of school, family holidays, birthdays, Christmas’ will all be that much more magical because she’ll be here. Those thoughts make the fear of the unknown completely dissolve away.
I’m excited to share the rest of my pregnancy with you!