Let's talk embarrassing bodies! I'm sharing my 5 most weird bodily changes since having a baby!

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I had my fair share of quirks when it came to my new and improved ‘mum bod’… Some stripes, an evident linea nigra was still hanging around, an extra belly button hole (thanks to my 16 year old self that thought it would be a good idea to pierce it) and my luscious pregnancy mane was falling out by the handfuls! But it honestly never bothered me. I was different!

Now, almost 20 months on and I am experiencing more ‘weird’ changes to my body!

So prepare yourself for some over sharing and hopefully a good belly laugh but my gosh, I really don’t know how I feel about some of them haha!

1 - Hello Mustache!
I was sitting in the car the other day and my husband looked at me and said in the most amused tone ‘Babe, you have a mustache.’ Oh haha, from my cappuccino powder, here, let me wipe it… I looked in the mirror as the glistening sun hit my upper lip and OH MY FLIPPING GOD I HAVE A REAL MOUSTACHE!!! 

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry! What do I do with this? How do I maintain it? HOW DO I GET RID OF IT! Who else has seeeeeeen it?!
In my crazy manic over reactive state the second I got home I shaved it… with a razor! I know, I know, I know, I know!!!! And yes, it has grown back even thicker!
(moral of the story, don’t shave your mustache ladies). I never had it pre pregnancy and I never had it during pregnancy or up until recently! This has to be due to weird after pregnancy hormones!!!

2 - Greys!
Since we’re on the topic of hair… I now had a MASSIVE (and no that is not an exaggeration) patch of grey and white hairs at the front of my fringe! I’m talking there’s at least 40 of the suckers… I first noticed them when Alina was about 6 months old. I plucked the first one and then a few months later it came back with a posse! Then I plucked those suckers out and they decided to triple and re grow so now I just leave them… at 27 years old I have grey hair! Again, thanks Alina babe!!

3 - Snail Trail!
By now you’re probably thinking ‘Gosh this Bitch is hairy!’. Well I think the same! I now have what appears to be a very confused pubic area that thinks it needs to migrate toward my belly button. Like it’s trying to hide the second belly button I was telling you about earlier! Hello IPL, let’s do this!

4 - Saggy Boobs!
Ok, this isn’t necessarily something new because as soon as Alina started dropping some feeds the evidence started to show! Flat and Saggy little tatas… But up until now it wasn’t anything a good push up bra couldn’t fix… That was, until I was getting into some cute new lingerie for the hubby the other night and MY TIT HAD FOLDED OVER ITSELF! They were that deflated and empty that being pushed up it literally folded over itself. Its not even turtle neck weather anymore…. Ahhhh I’m scared for bikini season!

5 - The last one…
The one that no one warned me about…. SAGGY NIPPLES!
What the flying f*ck is this sh*t!!!! How even…
Well my friends, I’ll tell you right now… It’s possible because it’s happened to me! When I take my bra off my nipples are pointing south and they look in desperate need of some cheering up! You know the greek statues with the small willies… Yeah, I’ll leave you with that image gals!

In all seriousness though, what’s a girl to do but laugh! It’s obviously a part of life. A body is a body and I truly feel mine is beautiful no matter what. It’s so important to spread positive talk when it comes to them and sure there’s days where I look in the mirror and I think ‘Damn, what happened.’ I look at these ‘imperfections’ as just ‘me’ now. I don’t consider a boob job or a nip lift (can you even get those haha).
I may invest in a lawnmower for the mustache though!

Emily Tomini10 Comments